I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
