she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
