wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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