We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
