Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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