No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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