Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I understand Curling. That high.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
