I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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