remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
