my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
