Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
