I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
