my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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