And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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