in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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