so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
