508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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