so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
