About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
