Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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