no you cant smoke seaweed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
