these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
