Too much gin, very little bucket
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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