Yo dont text me then not text me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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