I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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