The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
