She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
