evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
