what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
