mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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