Everything about him screamed your future.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
