I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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