so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
