he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
