Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if only i could text you this smell
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sorry my hands just texted you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
