Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
