Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
