New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
