i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
