you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
