Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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