Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
