your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
