I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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