He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
