We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
