She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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