Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
