at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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