Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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