Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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