OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
