I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
