i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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