no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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