when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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