I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
