if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
