ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
