he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
