Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
