Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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