I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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