Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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