Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
