just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
