you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
