I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
